


Lights In The Darkness

by TonySnark (Sherlocked729)



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Hawkeye (Comics), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dad Barton, Everyone is grieving, I Can't Write Women Well, M/M, Maybe A Lot AU?, Natasha Romanov Also Got Dusted, Not Aunt May friendly, Occasional Appearances From Matt Murdock, Or Quill So He Might Not Have a POV, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Teenage Spider-Man, They're All Just Trying to Get By, a little au, and Tony - Freeform, and lucky, and pretty much everyone - Freeform, and she got dusted too, angsty af, everyone is sad, insomia, self destructive behavior, since she's only mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-17 17:19:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16978701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocked729/pseuds/TonySnark
Summary: Stephen Strange's disappearance had been an illusion. He did something and it brought some of them back, but not all. Now the Avengers must find a way to cope and continue to live without all their teammates and friends or family. The incident known as The Return has brought a couple unlikely teammates together, and others it has driven apart. Can they all help each other get through this or is it too late for some?





	1. late night visitor - Clint

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Infinity War fic, but it takes place after the first one, before the next, simply because this is a bit AU in terms of how I made it end and have the others return. I'm aware that this isn't what actually happens and it is indeed a work of fiction, so no matter how odd it sounds or "unrealistic," remember folks, it's only fiction and should be treated as such.
> 
> If you don't have anything good to say, please don't comment. Don't be a loaf of wet bread. Comments are allowed, of course, if you want to say you liked it or if you want to fangirl/fanboy over something! Just don't hate, please! 
> 
> Also, this first chapter is super short but I will hopefully be making future chapters longer and each chapter will be from different POVs.

**Clint Barton**

**.     .     .**

_“Laura! Laura, where are you?!”_

_“CLINT!” a desperate voice called out for him._

_Clint Barton ran up the stairs at breakneck speed just in time to see his family reappear limb by limb before him, all of their eyes smiling at him, tears in Laura’s eyes._

_They had come back…_

_He walked over to her and leaned down to kiss the top of his newborn’s head, but just as he did this, his newborn son Nathanial disappeared once again. His other two children as well as his wife disappeared next in front of his eyes. He dove for Laura but came up with only ash and dust, and then nothing._

_They were lost in in the dark abyss forever…_

Clint gasped as he woke up abruptly, breathing heavy and fast as he looked around to remember where he was. His family was gone; they had never actually returned to him at all, of course. It was just a bad dream.

His face was beaded with sweat but he relaxed a little, but only a little. He was still alone and his family was gone. It had been a year since That Day, but they were all still reeling.

Even after Strange had finally managed to trick Thanos, somehow managing to screw up things in the process however, he had only managed to get a quarter of the population back. Trying to deal with the wizard, Peter Quill and Spider-Man coming back but not his family was a bitter pill to swallow. He knew it wasn’t their fault and he did feel bad for the kid since he lost his own mother, but the other man he couldn’t help but resent. 

It had been almost six months since the others came back and ever since then, he had been having nightmares nearly every night. He was lucky if he was able to get five hours so he had started a routine of going into the living area to watch television until could fall asleep or he grabbed his bow and did some target practice.

He also drank copious amounts of coffee, so that probably didn’t help his sleeping issues, but the caffeine felt warm and soothing. Occasionally, although it had become more and more routine, Peter Parker would escape Tony’s Tower of Terrors where everyone else was going through their own nightmares and make his way over to Clint’s first apartment he had in Bed-Stuy located in Brooklyn. As if on cue, he heard a soft knocking on the door.

He walked over to the door and opened it to see the kid glance up at him with wide eyes, dark circles underneath them. It looked like he wasn’t sleeping or eating much these days either.

At least he was in good company.

“It’s 2 in the morning, kid…”

Peter sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I know. I just… couldn’t sleep and I’m going crazy in Mr Stark’s tower. And the screaming. I mean, I scream pretty loud but Mr. Rogers puts me to shame.”

Clint felt his heart ache a little for the Captain. To see his best friend come back after a war plus behind in Hydra’s control only to be lost forever had to be a punch in the dick for guy, to put it lightly.

He ran a hand through his darkened hair and stepped aside to let in little Peter. “Yeah, yeah. Get in here,” he spoke, not unkindly.

The young kid set his backpack down on the table, as per usual, and made a beeline for the couch in the living room. “Thanks again for letting me stay here, Mr. Barton. I really appreciate it.”

Clint chuckled to himself, shaking his head. “For the thousandth time, just call me Clint, kid. We’re teammates; I’m not your babysitter or foster father… but you’re welcome again,”

He caught a weak smile from the teenager before he threw him some blankets and a pillow.

“You know the routine, mi casa es su casa. Help yourself to whatever, just don’t drink all my coffee. Night, Parker.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Bart- Clint. ‘Night, Clint…”

He shut the light off in the living room as soon as the boy was settled in and made his way back to his bedroom. He knew more than likely he would be hearing from Tony tomorrow about Peter coming here, because that had also become routine since The Return of the Lost.

He missed Lucky more than anything. Clint missed having in lay in bed so they could cuddle together on the colder nights to keep warm (and yes, he knew how weird that sounded when he told others this). He missed how that dog seemed to know him better than anyone else did. He had been hesitant at first to let Matt Murdock “borrow” him so he could take him to the vet to get his shots and a checkup but Clint couldn’t afford it at the time so he had no other choice but to let him.

He hadn’t realized how quiet his apartment would be without the pitter patter of little dog feet on the hardwood floors but it became pretty damn lonely pretty damn fast. At least that would change tomorrow when Matt brought him back.

Lucky especially liked to be petted by the other Avengers and pretended that Clint never pet him or paid any attention to him just so he could look extra pathetic to get extra pats.

The archer did a couple deep breathing exercises Bruce had taught him and crawled back into bed before pulling the covers over him and finally fell asleep about an hour later.


	2. Bad Thoughts - Peter Parker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter basically has three dads that like to help him and give him life lessons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I put this in the tags part but this is probably going to be the longest fanfic you will ever read as far as chapters go so I hope ya'll don't mind that! If I don't add certain characters' POV in this story, I will most likely make a sequel to this with the other POVs not mentioned along with some of the other ones from this story.

 

**Peter Parker**

**.      .      .**

Peter jolted awake, his fingers grasped tightly around the edge of the couch, his chest heaving as his heart raced.

His dream had started off with him holding onto the alien spaceship, but then he fell when he started losing oxygen… except this time, Mr. Stark wasn’t there to save him with a suit. Peter kept falling and falling until he fell down to Earth, but he survived miraculously. Then, Aunt May was standing before him, and she looked so sad. Peter remembered that she had kissed his forehead and ruffled his hair before suddenly turning to ash before him, and then she was gone.

Of course he hadn’t been there when she had disappeared like the others, but his dream reminded Peter that she was gone, and that was enough. He felt tears prickling his eyes and he didn’t mean to, but he suddenly broke down, starting to sob quietly into his hand. He swallowed them back hard after a few minutes and roughly wiped his eyes before he cleared his throat softly.

He couldn’t cry anymore. That’s not what superheroes did. They sucked up their pain and went on with their lives. Peter had to pretend he was stronger than he was in order to keep being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Even though tons of people were still gone, even after The Return, he needed to keep protecting the ones that were here still.

Peter ran his hands through his slightly oily hair and decided it was time for a shower. He headed for the kitchen first though and started a pot of coffee before he hit the shower, grabbing his clothes from his bag along the way.

He could feel the Bad Thoughts creeping into his head again so he started to sing and air drum in a feeble attempt to block them out or letting them take over.

He had been in shock at first when he had found out about Aunt May, then reality hit and he felt suicidal, unsure what to do. He was terrified of himself, what he might do, so he found Clint’s address and ran to him, telling him everything. God, he had even cried a little because of how scared he had been. It had been Clint who had told him what to do.

_“When you get those kinda thoughts, kid… you have to block them out. Don’t let them take over you, because when they do, they won’t let go and then you’ll drown. Yell, scream, punch pillows, sing your goddamn heart out, shoot arrows into targets, whatever it takes; just don’t let them sink their claws into you.”_

It feels like years ago that Clint had said this, but Peter remembered that night just because it felt so long and not long enough at the same time.

After he had finally stopped crying and Clint gave him the pep talk, the archer had hugged him so tight, and Peter didn’t know if it was because he felt sorry for him, or because Mr. Barton was also grieving at the time, or maybe it was a mix of both. Then, he messed his hair up and made them both coffee, telling Peter that he could stay there when he needed to. Clint had challenged Peter to a game of Counter Strike, where of course he kicked Peter’s ass. They played for a couple hours before he went to his Aunt May’s to grab the rest of his things and then came back to Bed Stuy, where Tony was waiting for him. He had to listen to a half hour lecture about leaving notes and “letting the adults know where you are.” That felt long.

He shut off the shower when he had finished washing up and dried himself off before getting changed into a loose t-shirt and his jeans. He put his socks on clumsily as he half-jumped into the kitchen, unsurprised to see Clint.

“Hey… morning.” He grabbed a cup from above and poured coffee into it before he sat on a stool across from the man at the counter.

Clint glanced up as he sipped his coffee, nodding. “Morning, Parker. How’d you sleep?”

He considered telling him the truth, but then decided against it. This dude seemed so mentally strong that Peter didn’t want to look weak in his eyes, or at least weaker than he already knew he was.

“Yeah, I slept awesome. Thanks… that couch is super comfortable, by the way.”

Clint was quiet for a moment before he cleared his throat. “You don’t have to lie to me, man. I’ve seen you at rock bottom already. You can just talk to me.”

Peter sighed before drinking his own coffee and looked down, avoiding Clint’s eyes. “Fine, all right. I had another nightmare. Nothing new with me, though. I always get nightmares now.”

“We all do, kid. You’re not the only one.”

“No,” Peter agreed, nodding quickly. “I know, I didn’t mean….” He trailed off, feeling selfish now. “I just mean that nothing gets better, you know? Like, I’m still feeling pretty shitty and it feels like this will never go away unless…”

Clint had already started shaking his head halfway through Peter’s explanation. He took a sip before he set the cup down and looked at him with serious eyes. “All of us have felt that way since they came back, and the ones who didn’t. I feel like it won’t ever get any better either, but… I have to believe that this agony will subside after a while, eventually. If I don’t believe that, then… I might go off the deep end too, and no one wants to see that.”

Peter searched his fellow teammate’s face now. “So, what do you do?”

“I tell myself that this pain won’t last forever, that it’ll get better… that I have friends to help me through this, and that I’m not alone. You’re not alone in this, no matter how much you feel like you are, or maybe… unconsciously want to be. All right? It’ll get better, Parker.”

He swallowed hard and nodded now. “I hope so. Feeling like this fucking sucks.”

“Hey! Language.”

Peter chuckled now. “Really? Tony told me about Sokovia and what Cap said. Did you and Mr. Rogers change bodies like Freaky Friday or something?”

Clint groaned now and nearly jumped up when he heard a knock at the door.

“That’s probably Mr. Stark now coming to scold me for leaving in the dead of night again…”

The archer was relaxed and smirked at him. “Nah, don’t worry. It’s not him. It’s too early for Stark to be coming ‘round here, anyway. I know who this is.”

Peter watched the door open and then saw Matt Murdock standing beside Clint’s dog, Lucky. He had gotten to know the other superhero pretty well through Clint. As with everyone else, Matt had also lost loved ones too. He finished his coffee and hurried over to the dog who ran inside as soon as he saw Peter.

He patted the top of Lucky’s head lovingly and ruffled his jowls. “That’s a good boy.” He glanced up to see Clint and Matt casually talking with each other, both taking turns chuckling about something, smirks on both their faces.

_What did they have to laugh about? The world was a horrible place to live in right now._

Lucky playfully licked his face, causing Peter to smile to himself. At least Lucky understood. He was probably the last good thing about this world at the moment. He didn’t judge Peter when he cried or had nightmares or ran away. He was a dog; what did he care?

“Alright, man,” Peter heard Clint say now at the doorway. “Thanks again for paying for the vet. I’ll pay you back once I have some money again.”

“No worries, Clint. Take care of yourself. I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, sure thing. Later,” He closed the door and walked over to Peter before kneeling down and wrapped his arms around his dog.

“Mmm… I missed you, buddy.”

Peter backed away a little to give them some room. He smiled at the two of them, watching Lucky wag his tail happily to be reunited with his owner again. As he watched them, he began to feel the sadness hourglass fill up inside him. What he wouldn’t give to have someone miss him like that again. Like Aunt May did.

He’d never forget that New York City trip to the Ferry to try and catch those bad guys and he had to lie to everyone. He would never forget his Aunt’s face when he had come home in a touristy shirt and she had tears in her eyes because she had been so worried about him.

He took a deep breath and then pushed himself up off the floor and heard The Ramones ringtone on his phone echo in the room. Peter walked over and grabbed his phone quickly, his heart sinking when he saw Mr Stark’s name light up on the Caller ID.

He clicked Answer reluctantly. “Hi, Mr. Stark…”

_“No, no ‘Hi, Mr. Stark,’ kid. You ran away again and –_ _"_

Peter scoffed. “Oh c’mon! I left a note! It’s not running away if I leave a note and tell you exactly where I am!”

_“Leaving at night, when everyone else is asleep, sneaking out like the teenager you are… how would I have known you even made it to his place? You didn’t call me when you got there, Pete.”_

“It was late! I didn’t want to wake you up…”

“Nuh-uh. Put Barton on the phone now, please.” He saw Clint walking towards him with his hand out, apparently deciding he was going to talk to Tony whether or not he had asked to. Peter handed the phone off to him and watched him carefully.

Peter watched Clint smirk before speaking. “Yeah, he’s fine, Stark. He’s in one piece. I don’t know why you worry so much about him. Not only is he a smart kid but he’s also biologically amazing. He barely even touched the street on his way here. Yeah, I know… I know. Okay, I’ll let him know. Yep, later.” He hung up the phone and tossed it back to Peter.

“What’d Mr. Stark say?”

Clint grabbed the coffee pot and refilled both their cups before he plopped some bread into the toaster for both of them before scratching his head. “Well, he chewed me out for not calling him to let him know you got here okay so… you know, the usual. He told me to tell you to go back there to talk to him about the new rules now, and he also wants to give you something, but then you can come back right after and we can hang out or whatever.”

“Wait a sec – he wants to talk to me? Why can’t he just scold me out over the phone? Why does it require my physical presence? Do you know how long it takes me to get from here to the Tower?”

It was Clint’s turn to scoff now before he looked up at him. “Are you kidding me? Probably like five minutes, easy.”

“It takes me 7 minutes but still! 7 minutes there, 7 minutes back… that’s 14 minutes total for a five minute scolding! It’s logistically not worth even going over there!”

Clint took a sip of his coffee before the toast popped up and began to butter four pieces before throwing it on two plates.

“You’re going, end of discussion. Not all of us can be as lucky as you to have Father Stark looking after you like he is,” Lucky’s ears perked up when he heard Clint say his name. “Anyway, did you miss the part where he’s going to give you something?”

“Yeah, probably a freaking GPS so he can keep track of me! This is ridiculous! I’m Spider-Man. I can handle myself…” He plopped himself down at the counter again before taking a small bite of his toast. Peter had gotten worse about keeping his calories up with his insanely fast metabolism. Since Aunt May, he figured he’d lost at least five pounds, which really cut his muscle mass.

Clint chuckled, taking a hearty bite of his own breakfast. “Careful or your ego is going to outgrow your head just like Tony’s. I gotta admit though, it’s decreased a lot since he got together with Quill. How are you liking your new stepfather anyway?”

Peter sighed, feeling exhausted by this conversation already but shrugged. “He’s not my stepfather. He’s kinda cool, I guess. I mean, we fought together against Thanos and stuff, but I didn’t really like him much then. I think he’s good for Stark.”

Clint’s eyebrows furrowed. “Oh yeah?”

Peter nodded. “Sure, I mean, their egos pretty much cancel each other out. Mr. Stark seems more relaxed when he’s around so, I think it’s good. Alone, it’s like living with two Tonys but in the same room, they’re a lot more tolerable to be around.”

“There was a match I never saw coming. I hardly know Quill, but… from what everyone’s told me about him, they clashed during the battle, right?”

“Not as much as him and that wizard guy, but yeah. A bit.”

The two of them ate and drank in comfortable silence, only broken by a few words and casual conversation here and there but when Peter had finished eating, he knew it was time to head back to the Tower.

He grabbed his backpack, deciding to change up on the roof and slung it over his back before he dragged himself towards the door. “See you later.”

“Yeah, later, Pete. Be safe.”

Peter left Clint’s place and headed upstairs to the roof. Once there, he glanced around cautiously to make sure no one would see him and quickly changed into his outfit, webbing his backpack to himself as he started swinging and webbing up lampposts and buildings, making his way towards the Tower. Every motion he did was more ritualistically done than anything. He was there physically but not so much mentally, and a couple of times he nearly fell.

The morbid side of him wondered what that would feel like: freefalling without being caught just in time, or saving himself by shooting his webs above him to the rooftops to save himself so he wouldn’t be a grease spot on the road.

Bad Thoughts.

Peter forced himself to focus again and looked around quickly. Uh-oh. He wasn’t near Grand Central near the Tower. He had webbed up crazily and now found himself past the Tower on west 48th St, near the park.

_Shit._

Now he had to turn around and head back, but he missed shooting and suddenly the feeling he had fantasized moments ago was quickly becoming a reality for him because now he was falling. He didn’t have time to imagine his own death when he fell onto his back on the ground, thankfully on grass but it still knocked the wind out of him, causing him to wheeze a few times.

“Oh shit!” he was able to exclaim when he got his breath back before groaning in mild pain on his back.

He blinked and then saw a hand reach out to help him. He instantly recognized the glasses and had to chuckle as he took the man’s hand and let him help him up. “Long time, no see,” he joked before he realized his dumb mistake.

“Oh god, no… that’s not what I meant. I’m so sorry, Mr. Murdock.”

Matt laughed now, smiling brightly. “I know, Peter. It’s fine. Trust me, I’ve heard all the jokes.”

“Oh, okay. Cool.” He dusted himself off, realizing he was still in costume, hoping no one caught that falling job on their phones to put up on Youtube or anything.

“So, did you stop by because you missed me already or are you lost?”

Peter tensed and looked around a bit before he shrugged. “I guess I just got too much in my head in the moment. I wasn’t paying attention where I was.” He sighed in frustration with himself.

Matt was quiet for a moment, perhaps listening to see if anyone was nearby before he spoke. He placed a confident hand on Peter’s shoulder now and knelt down slightly to look Peter in the eye, which seemed an odd gesture for a blind person to do, but maybe he could also hear his heart racing hard in his ribcage.

“Peter, I know things are tough right now…”

“Oh god, Mr. Murdock, you’re not going to say but things are going to get better, are you? I’ve already had this talk with Mr. Barton earlier.”

Matt chuckled again and shook his head. “No, I won’t tell you that. I was going to say that it’s important you put your full focus and concentration in that suit with you as soon as you put it on. Lives could depend on it, and things change like that,” Matt snapped his fingers and Peter cringed in remembrance. The other man must have felt it or something because there was an apologetic look on his face, on his lips before he spoke again.

“And you’re not alone. You know where to find me and you can come to me without fear of judgement or being told off. Especially if you need a good lawyer.”

Peter had to laugh now and nodded. “All right. Thanks a lot. I should probably go now, though. Thanks for the second pep talk, though. Never short of those.”

He heard Matt laugh again. “Later, Mr. Parker. Stay out of trouble.”

“I’ll try.” He webbed up again, flying back towards the Tower, his body still sore from the fall but he could feel himself healing but he’d still have bruises tomorrow.

He made sure to keep his focus now and found himself in front of Stark Tower in a matter of a few minutes. He waved up at the sensory camera where he knew Friday was and then heard the door unlock at the transparent facial recognition.

He heard casual laughter and quipping as he entered and took off his mask before he rubbed his hair to make it look at least stylish messy instead of suit messy. He walked deeper inside and saw Peter Quill standing next to Tony with a self-deprecating smile on his face.

Tony turned to look at him and crossed his arms in front of his chest in a parental manner.

“Mr. Stark – "

“Nope,” Tony interrupted. “I get to talk now, and then you can go back to Hawkeye’s nest. I’m not your old man, but I’m still going to school you in a couple of the new house rules that you are to follow. So here we go.”

Peter sighed, rolling his eyes. It was going to be a rough hour.


	3. checking in - Tony Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gives Peter Parker a talking to and checks in on a new old friend.

**Tony Stark**

**.     .    .**

He glanced over at Peter Quill who was smirking back at him before giving him a playful warning with his eyes before disappearing out of the room. Tony and him had been talking about the kid just minutes before he showed up, discussing how the inventor needs to be more patient with him, and stop treating like a kid.

 _“But he is a kid!”_ Tony had argued.

 _“He’s 17 and a superhero, who’s already gone through a lot of bad shit. He’s legally 17, but mentally 24. Give him more credit and stop treating him like your ward,”_ the intergalactic superhero had argued back, smirking affectionately at him.

Peter Parker was the subject of most of their conversations, nowadays, but it mostly just involved Quill talking Tony down and helping to keep the other man in check, his feet on the ground.

“What did you want to talk about, Mr. Stark? I’m here. The sooner you yell at me about leaving at night, the sooner I can get back to Bed-Stuy.”

Tony cocked his head to look at him. “Yell at you? Petey, I was angry about it the first couple times you left in the middle of the night, but not at you. I was angry out of concern for your well-being.”

“I’m a superhero –“

“ – As you continue to remind me, but that doesn’t mean you’re out of danger. I still look after you! Now that… now that Aunt May’s gone, you’re my legal responsibility. If something happens to you when of these nights when you sneak out, then that’s on _my_ neck. I care about you, kid.”

He watched Peter reluctantly nod in understanding but he still looked like a bored, frustrated teenager who was tired of getting reprimanded.

“Sorry, Mr. Stark.”

Tony sighed to himself, remembering Quill’s words to him. He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s fine. Hey, look, I’m glad you’re all right. I’m glad that you’re so independent but next time, just… check in when you get there, okay? Day or night, doesn’t matter. I just want to make sure you made it there okay. Start letting me know when you get there, and I’ll stop dragging you here for lectures. Deal?”

Peter seemed to breathe out a sigh of relief now and nodded. “Deal.”

Tony smirked and nodded before he gently slapped his hand on Peter’s shoulder and rubbed it gently. “Good. Care for some lunch?”

“Umm… I had some breakfast with Clint just a while ago. I should really get back. “

“All right. Oh, hey… you forgot something when you left last night, by the way,” Tony took something out of his pocket and rattled it before he threw it to the young man. “I’m sure it just slipped your mind, right?”

Peter easily caught the orange bottle in one hand and nodded, but didn’t make eye contact with Tony, but shoved the pills into his bag. “Right. Yeah… it totally slipped my mind. Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

“Yeah, sure thing. All right, well… you can leave now if you want, Pete. Lecturing done.”

He watched Parker start to put his mask back on to leave before clearing his throat. “You know that you’re always allowed to stay here, whenever you want. I know you’ve grown closer to Barton these past couple months, but… no matter what, you can stay here too.”

Peter didn’t turn to face him but he heard his voice. “I know, Mr. Stark. Thanks.” He walked out and Tony sighed when he heard the lock of the door.

Tony turned around to see Quill standing near the doorway. “I’m sorry – were you standing there the entire time, spying?”

Peter scoffed, smirking. “Spying? No, I was… outwardly observing. I just wanted to make sure you would hold up your promise, that’s all,” he walked towards him and put an arm on Tony’s shoulders before he gently pulled him in towards him, kissing his head and letting him go.

Tony smiled to himself, started to walk to the kitchen to start making sandwiches for lunch. “So did I make you proud, Quill?”

“You should make yourself proud. I liked how you changed your tone near the end. You connected with the kid. I bet you never connected that well with your old man, Stark. Nice to see you break the cycle.”

Tony shrugged as he grabbed the bread and started to slather it with mayo and meat toppings. He looked over at him.

“The only connection I ever had with my father was his hand when it connected with my cheek when he was drinking,” Tony said all too easily. “Did you ever have a connection with your father?”

“I thought I did, for a little bit, until I found out he gave my mom fucking cancer. Christ, man. Fathers suck the big one. I wish I had never met mine. At least you got to live with yours,” Peter Quill shrugged, walking over to him.

Tony finished the sandwich and handed it off to his boyfriend before starting to make his own. He watched the man eat contently. He didn’t want to mention to him how he only got to live with his parents until his twenty-first birthday. He had told Quill about some of his life, but not yet all of it. There simply hadn’t been the “right moments” to tell him. Every moment since they The Return had been horrible for Quill; he had been, and was still grieving for Gamora, as well as the other Guardians that hadn’t been the lucky ones to make it back. Tony was grieving for the Avengers that were still lost in oblivion, but he was still able to function enough to support Quill and help the others that were also grieving, like Steve Rogers.

The Captain kept mostly to himself, only coming out to eat but Bucky not coming back really affected Rogers, not that that fact actually surprised Tony, though. It really had to be difficult to go through what he was right now. He made a mental note to try and talk to him, but a part of him was afraid to.

He had tried a few times before, but it usually ended up with the Cap either crying or yelling at Tony, how he couldn’t understand. It seemed like a lost cause to talk to him anymore but Tony still tried. He knew that Cap would do it for him if the tables were turned.

Tony finished his sandwich and took a bite out of it before he leaned against the counter, searching Peter’s face, half smirking.

“Have I told you yet how lucky I feel to have you here, with me?” He asked thoughtfully before hearing a notification chime ring out and glanced at it to see Peter’s check-in message to verify he got back to Clint’s safe.

Peter Quill chuckled now. “Uhh I think it’s about eight times now, but it feels good to hear it. Funny how you wanted to kill me at one time, though. Now you just wanna fuck me. Funny how things can change, huh?”

Tony laughed to himself and nodded. “Yeah, it is. It became a lot easier when I stopped blaming you for that Thanos ordeal.”

“Oh, I’m sure. Things are usually a lot easier when you stop blaming other people for your own shit.”

Tony chuckled again before shaking his head. “Man, you are _such_ a smart ass. It’s like I’m dating myself. I guess I only have my own narcissism to blame for choosing you to be my better half.”

“You didn’t choose _me_ , I chose _you_ , Pikachu.”

Tony smirked. “Well then I guess that says a lot about _your_ narcissism.”

“I suppose it does.”                             

A thought came into Tony’s head now, causing his smirk to fade as his own insecurities came flooding in. He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously before he forced himself to look at Quill. “Do you think… it’s too soon for us?”

This made Peter meet his eyes. “What?”

“I mean, okay… look, we got together like, a couple months since… the others returned and… others didn’t. That’s pretty soon since you… lost Gamora, right?”

Peter looked tensed now and cast his eyes down, still nibbling on his sandwich distractedly. “What are you asking me, Tony?”

The other man sighed, afraid of bringing this up but couldn’t help himself. It could possibly jinx them for all he knew, but he wanted answers.

“We haven’t really talked about this. Do you think we got together too soon? You’re still grieving over her, and… I’m not a good, or even decent replacement for her. Not saying anyone could replace her but, I mean… you know? I just… I’m just worried about you, and us. I don’t want you to realize how there are better people out there and leave me all alone with my head in my hands. That’s all.”

Peter finished his sandwich and rubbed his hands on his pants before he watched Tony. He walked over to him and placed a hand on the man’s cheek.  “I know it seems like we didn’t waste any time hooking up after what happened, but… once I got to know you better, when you invited me here to live with you, I felt something. I felt it with Gamora too so I started to feel like that piece of me that was missing was being filled up again, somehow. Nothing can ever replace her, I think… I’ll always love and miss Gamora, but… I also feel like I need to feel whole again.”

“So… I complete you?”

Peter Quill chuckled weakly and kissed Tony’s lips. “I think you do. Do I… complete you?”

“Maybe you do,” Tony echoed, smirking.

Peter playfully smacked his cheek lightly before he pushed him away. “Well, damn it! That’s good. What did you want to do today, Stark? Talk to me.”

“Hmm, that sounds like a technique I would use to take the attention off of me,” Tony playfully narrowed his eyes. “Well, I thought I’d try talking to Cap again, but after that, we can… do whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want, hmm?” Quill grinned.

Tony scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Yes, whatever you want. Your mind is in a deeper gutter than mine, sheesh.”

“Well you go talk to El Capitan, then. I’m gonna hit the showers.” He kissed Tony’s cheek and then headed towards their room.

Tony watched him leave and sighed, knowing that it meant he had to go talk to Rogers. He had anticipated doing this much, much later, but obviously Star Lord wanted to get it out of the way so they could spend the rest of the day together. He groaned inwardly as he ascended the stairs and walked towards where Steve Rogers had made a nest in the Tower, he had the whole wing, in fact.

When Stephen Strange had come back, he had first stopped at the Tower to see who else was back, but once he found out he hadn’t managed to save everyone, the ex-surgeon took a one way portal back to 17a Bleecker Street and decided to hold up there.

Of course Thor made occasional trips to Strange and Tony, but he also wasn’t altogether sure where to go after most of his people were wiped out and only a quarter came back, none of them being his friend Heimdall or Loki. He was probably just as lost as the rest of them felt.

He had to make a mental note to check in on him as well.

Once he arrived at Captain Rogers’ closed door, he gently knocked and waited.  And waited. After a minute went by, he rapped again, a bit louder this time.

He heard a groan come from inside but then heard heavy footsteps and was greeted by the super soldier. Tony felt an ache in his chest when he saw the disheveled man. He had seen Cap like this plenty of times before but it always surprised him to see him no longer the neat, tidy, pulled together man he usually was when they were working.

“Hey, Tony… what’s up?”

He could tell Steve was trying to sound like he was pulled together.

“Hey, Rogers. Umm… we haven’t seen you in a while. Just wanted to come check up on you, make sure you’re okay,” Tony spoke with concern in his voice, genuinely worried for him.

He had gotten over their dumb feud with each other. Anyway, there wasn’t any point in holding a grudge when the man who had killed his parents was now dead, even though he had made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t have held it if Bucky had come back. His anger had been replaced by sorrow and loss.  The Event had made him even more grateful for those who had come back, though, even if he hadn’t gotten along with them very much. He might as well have lost Pepper; she didn’t want anything to do with Tony after what happened. Rhodey had, in fact, come back, and she had found a good friend in him over the next few months after The Return.

“Well, I’m still alive. Is that it, Tony?”

The inventor was starting to feel stupid now. He ran a hand through his hair. “You shouldn’t be holed up here. You should get out, start living again. There’s so much more than here, Cap.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, Tony, but… I don’t know; I just… can’t pull myself out of this hole. I can’t see what you see, not anymore. I just…” Rogers sighed and looked away. “I just miss the hell out of Bucky. He was my best friend and… he never came back.”

Tony nodded patiently, sympathetically even. He had heard this countless times by the super soldier and it never failed to break his heart any less every time he heard it.

He put his hand on his friend and teammate’s shoulder. “I know, Cap. I’m so sorry. I miss Nat, but… we should be grateful to be around those who _did_ come back instead of mourning those we lost.”

Steve nodded and took a deep breath before letting it out, swallowing hard. “I know, Tony. I’m still trying.”

“I know you are,” Tony nodded back. “It’s really hard. I just… thought maybe it’d do you some good to get some fresh air, that’s all. I’ll be honest, Rogers… I don’t know how to help you here. I just know that you shouldn’t be alone right now. I’m sorry. I know I don’t say it often, but… I am.”

Steve bit his lip and nodded. “I know you are. I’m sorry I can’t help you help me. I just feel like maybe I have to go through this alone. You know? I just… don’t know how else to deal with this.”

Tony looked up at him. “Hey, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to be either. You still have friends here, like me and Bruce, and you know that Barton will talk to you too. You don’t have to suffer in silence, locked away, all right?”

Rogers nodded and gave Tony a weak smile. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Stark. I appreciate your concern.”

Tony wasn’t sure if that was true or not but he felt so helpless. He nodded and gave him a small smile before patting his shoulder one time before he turned away and started back to find Quill. So that talk didn’t go as smooth as Tony had wanted, but what had he expected; Steve suddenly realizing what he had been doing and running out of the building? He didn’t know what he had expected, actually. He just knew that it wasn’t good to be alone when you were grieving. He knew he made mistakes with his teammates and friends in the past, but now he was giving a second chance to rectify things between them.

The ones who were still here; the ones who had been spared, the ones who had returned. He had second chances with all of them. This was his chance to be the Good Guy instead of the Insensitive Jackass Who Used Self-Deprecating Humor To Cover Up His Feelings.

He sighed tiredly as he entered his bedroom that he shared with Peter Quill now and saw him getting changed. When he saw Tony enter, he looked up after zipping his pants, his skin still glistening with water droplets.

“So how’d the talk go?”

Tony shrugged. “About as well as any of my talks go. What do you want to do today?”

Quill pulled a teal shirt on before putting on his jacket. “We could stay in, watch a movie? Get shitfaced? Or… we could go dancing somewhere and get shitfaced.”

Tony chuckled. “Those my only two options? Either way it seems like I’ll be drinking. Here’s an idea, let’s not get shitfaced. Alcohol and I don’t mix so well.”

Quill nodded. “Oh, sorry. That’s right. Well… I don’t know. What do you do for fun around here?”

Tony threw his arms up. “I crank music up and make things! I’m an inventor! What do you do for fun, Star Lord?”

The other man chuckled. “Well, we usually crank music up and go after bad guys but there’s a serious decrease in bad guys down here! I wish we still had my ship! We could go fly around out there and look for –“

“Trouble,” Tony finished for him, smirking. “The word you’re about to say is trouble.”

Peter sighed but was also smiling. “There’s nothing fun to do down here! We need a party or something.”

Tony rolled his eyes playfully. “Maybe sometime next week or something. Hey, what about the wizard?”

“What about the wizard?”

Tony shrugged. “Well, we haven’t heard from him for a pretty long time. Maybe we should go check on him?”

“What are you, the leader of Check On People patrol? There must be something more exciting to do than check on people all day.”

It unsettled Tony how well Peter Quill was dealing with Gamora’s permanent loss. It was like she was still around, the way that the other man was acting. He figured it was only a matter of time until the weight of pretending got to him.

“Okay,” Tony decided to compromise. “How about this? I’ll go check on Strange, and you can go off and do whatever around the city. Text or call me, let me know where you end up, and then I’ll come find you. How does that sound?”

“Sounds great, Captain Buzzkill,” Peter joked, smirking. He pocketed his phone and planted a long kiss on Tony’s lips before he started downstairs.

Tony leaned out the door and heard him calling an Uber. He hurried downstairs and shoveled out a few hundred dollar bills to pay for that, plus drinks or whatever and stuffed the money into his pocket.

“Hey, c’mon. You’re not my sugar daddy. You don’t gotta do that, man.”

“I know I don’t, Quill, but I want you to have fun. Just be careful, all right?”

The man smiled and kissed him again. “I will. Thanks, Tony.” He hugged him tightly, and was met with a hug just as warm and tight.

Tony breathed him in and embraced him for a few moments before moving away casually. “I love you, Quill.”

He chuckled now and nodded. “I know.”

Tony rolled his eyes at the Star Wars reference before he saw the Uber pull up. He gently hit his backside. “Have fun. Be careful. I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay, dad,” Peter scoffed, waving goodbye. “Hey! You be careful too, Stark.”

“Will do.” He waved back and watched the Uber leave the Tower before he got into one of his brightest colored corvettes and drove towards Bleecker Street to check on yet another friend.


End file.
